and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
