11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You have to summon your inner elephant
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
