Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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