Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
