Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
