Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
