All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
