Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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