you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize