Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
