Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
