Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize