i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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