Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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