I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
