it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
