dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
