I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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