I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize