Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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