Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
