why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
