It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
