If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
