I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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