Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize