I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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