I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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