i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize