Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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