two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
