I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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