People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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