we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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