I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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