Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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