it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
