i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
