Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
