wat bout pragnant strippers??
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
