i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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