I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize