Who did Billy Mays play for?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
