im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
