I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
