when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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