I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
