Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
