I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
