I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
