I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We have started to decorate penises.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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