I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
