normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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