I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
