All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
