You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
