I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize