I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
