apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
