Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
