i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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