I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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