dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize