we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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