Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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