he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
