There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
