Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
