will power is for people who don't want to get laid
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
