smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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