Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
