you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
