just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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