My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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