Got a toothbrush?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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