i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
