i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
