what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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