Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
