I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
