Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
