were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
