i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
