She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
