so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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