I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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