The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so let's talk penis.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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