Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
