If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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