i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
