people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize