The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
