good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
