how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
