I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
