WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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