i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
