Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
