I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize