You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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